Archive for January, 2009

I Really Hate The Fact That You Are Happy

Posted in Rants with tags , , , , on January 22, 2009 by dissectingthefetalpig

As I sit and try to drink some coffee in a lovely internet cafe and pass the time I have to look and watch all the happy people who are not me.

Let’s take a moment and take the pressure off of me. My disdain and unpleasantness are an issue of their own. We’ll get to that later and probably never.

Out of nowhere my once pleasantly empty coffee shop is now suddenly booming with he happiest people on earth. I don’t think I can stand it. It’s like getting too much sugar in your coffee. It makes your teeth hurt.

I think it is safe to say that in the story of the Grinch it was embellished that his heart grew two sizes too big and was overcome with happiness. I actually think he had a heart attack and died but the bastards from Whoville didn’t want to put a dark cloud on their lovely little town and did a cover up. Fuckers.

Everybody is smiling. Young couples talking about how much they love each other. People are singing and then there is me. Why me?

I really wish they would stop. The music on the stereo here isn’t helping. I am not sure what the Jonas Brothers sound like but I have a feeling they sound like the music I am listening to now. It’s like having turds being squished in my ears.

A group of young women are knitting. Why people need to knit in groups is beyond me. I am hoping that this seamstress cult will knit themselves some nooses and hang themselves.

The loving couple are talking about how much love they have for each other and how they should go somewhere romantic. “Let’s just take Monday off and go somewhere where we can be together”. You two are together now. Enjoy it. Fuck! I hope he’s cheating on you and you find out when you get the clap mysteriously.

Then there is the family that has brought their aging mother and her home attendant out. They all are circled around her like she is the Dali Lama. Listening to her talk about how much has changed in the world. They gasp an awe like it is a freak show. Nudging each other and saying what a snap she is. They are so chipper and happy on the outside and you can tell on the inside they are only wondering who is going to get what when the old bag finally kicks.

I am leaving this Babylon. Going back to work never seemed so appealing.


Glad you made it. Now get the fuck out!

Posted in The Beginning on January 22, 2009 by dissectingthefetalpig

Being able to let go and freely say what you want doesn’t always merit the reward you think it should.  Just like the urge to kick a whining baby in the mall seems like it would be totally relaxing, it would really just make your life worse.

I decided instead of traumatizing my friends with my random thoughts or making my wife further question why she did indeed marry me, I decided to make you the hapless visitor of my blog the victim.

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