Archive for August, 2011

The Cost Of Living

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on August 24, 2011 by dissectingthefetalpig

Life is cheap

It doesn’t cost a dime

You are just the byproduct of two people fucking

Possibly strangers

Strangers wrapped up in the heat of the moment

Acting like two animals in heat

Then you are born…

Even then all you have known and accumulated

can simply cease.

A lifetime of work decimated within seconds

Moments

When you die, people reflect on your worth

They mourn their loss

Posthumously you’ve become an asset

Even though you were worth something all along

and you probably never knew it


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Facehooker

Posted in Rants on August 20, 2011 by dissectingthefetalpig

Dissecting The Fetal Pig is now on Facebook.  It would be cool if you “liked” it and told your friends.  You can find it here.

My Favorite Place On The Planet

Posted in Deep Thoughts, True Stories with tags , , , , , , , , , on August 20, 2011 by dissectingthefetalpig

All my life I have squandered precious time dreaming of one thing; solace. Some sort of soothing comfort or a pat on the back that assures me that everything will be in fact OK.  However, it is a well known fact that waiting for that pat on the back, acknowledgement for your efforts, or whatever it is I am seeking will never really come.  As one friend put it, still having a job, a roof over your head and food in your stomach is proof enough that you are doing alright.  And sometimes, I really do believe this is true.

But sometimes I really would like to believe that there is a place that I can go where everything is calm.  A place that of solitude and comfort where nothing could go wrong.  I think I have found such a place, but tragically I can only admire it from afar.

There is an old cemetery here in Old San Juan that is for political heroes and various literary and musical artists.  It is open to the public during the day and I, for some reason or another, have a bad habit of hopping the fence at night with a beer and taking in the view at night as this cemetery sits right on the sea.  There is one particular tomb I like to sit on as it provides a wonderful view of the sea.  I don’t know whose corpse I am planting my ass on, but I am sure they don’t mind that I sit on their remains to enjoy my life.  Anyways, If I look east towards some the outlying islands in the Caribbean I can always find what I am looking for.  It’s this eye watering vision of bewilderment where the sky and the sea look as they are one.  At night there is a low fog out in the ocean to blur where the two meet and it looks like a void.  A beautiful romance of everything and nothing coming together for a night-time waltz.  I realize that even if I were to set sail, I will never reach this place as it will constantly move away from me.  It will inch itself just ever so much for it to be constantly out of reach ,and probably, by the time concede and accept that I will never ever get to this nirvana my boat will have landed on another shore.  It’s not a place so much as a concept, I suppose, but it is one of the more beautiful concepts I have ever heard of or envisioned.

I can stare at this spot for hours on end.  It’s much like staring at a black hole and admiring it’s beauty.  It seems as though it would be a place that keeps every promise simply because it made no promises.  There is no law for there are no laws to break and no one can ever annoy you out of the sheer fact that there is no one there.  It’s a void in the middle of the Caribbean, just east of the Bermuda Triangle.  I see the irony that my favorite place in the world is just an illusion.  But as the song says “life is an illusion and love is a dream” and it couldn’t be more spot on.

PhotobucketThis image does not even do justice to what I am talking about.

Battleship: The Movie

Posted in Rants with tags , , , , , on August 4, 2011 by dissectingthefetalpig

It should come as no surprise that Hollywood will rehash or make movies of anything that they can and will get their hands on.  It’s almost as though all the idea men have gone on hiatus and left the monkeys in charge of the zoo.  Which I guess is fine, considering I could normally not give a rat’s ass.  However, what bothers me is that they are making a movie based on the most mundane game this side of 1985: Battleship.

Playing Battleship was nowhere near as exciting as the commercials made it out to be.  Even if you had the deluxe edition that made noise, it was still more fun to stare directly in the sun and huff paint all day than to actually play Battleship.  All the little red and white pegs could not even be melted down into something remotely cool if you tried; that’s how boring Battleship was.  So to make a movie about this would take some serious work.  Here is what we are given.

Obviously, I missed a love affair and HUGE ALIEN ROBOTS.  Also, Lliam Neeson never ever showed up when Battleship was busted out in my youth, ever.

I really don’t see how this has anything to do with the game or how it is even inspired by the game other than that there are naval battleships involved.  A friend recently told me to shut up and quit bitching till I thought of a better idea.  Within 10 seconds I had a plot for a movie that not only involved the game, but was just as exciting.

“A down on his luck former naval cook tries his best to come up with a way to save his sinking but lovable neighborhood bar from being foreclosed on by the bank. Inspired one night after stepping on his son’s board game piece, he hosts a night for attractive lesbians to play strip battleship.  The night becomes a hit, our hero’s bar is saved and lesbians make out everywhere.”

This plot makes more sense than Lliam Neeson Vs. The Transformers movie that we are presented with.

What bothers me is that not only does Hollywood think that the general public is comprised of  stupid fools that will consume whatever is pushed upon them, but they prove it time and again.  The majority of people out there will eat whatever shit you put in front of them with a smile.

So is the next Human Centipede movie really based on Connect 4?  Because I’ll just sit that out as well.

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