Parents Are Liars

Let’s face it and simply admit that our parents lied to us. I know for fact mine did. Hell, they still do. Here are a few common lies that pretty much every parent has dropped on their kids for better or for worse

You can be whatever you want to be when you grow up:

In theory, yes you can be whatever you want if you really try. But that little harmless morale booster doesn’t quite tell you the fine print. Like if you told your quadriplegic kid he could be an athlete some fine day if they really wanted to… That’s not a complete lie. They have the Special Olympics for people who want to challenge their disabilities and overcome personal barriers. It’s a good thing. But what if that kid wants to get more specific and be a swimmer? A quadriplegic can’t swim! Float, sure. But never swim. Let’s even go so far to add the hope of a medical or scientific breakthrough. Even if they found a way to fix your broken kid tomorrow, your child may never ever receive treatment. Shame on you lying parent, shame on you!

Or let’s say your kid wants to grow up and be the next Hitler? Do you really want to encourage that? Seriously folks, shoot your kids straight. Your child sometimes shouldn’t be encouraged to be whatever they want.

I will always be proud of you, no matter what:

That’s just bullshit right there. Wait till your kid is strung out on drugs because they had their dreams crushed and do animal porn. Will you as a parent be proud of your kid then? You should be, it’s your fault. Your the one that lied and said they could be whatever they wanted. It never happened and it sent them on a spiral. Great parenting asshole, keep up the good work!

However, I will say this, there are some lies that parents say everyday that actually work. For example:

We’re not poor, just broke:

I heard this a lot as a child and when I look back I know full and well we were fucking poor. But it left the parties involved with some dignity and it was very encouraging. As an adult when I find myself at a financial rock bottom I know that this will pass. I am not poor, I am just a little skint on money at the moment. I’ll check myself and totally understand why my pop would pull that line on me now. It made me appreciate what I had and taught me the value of a dollar.

It’ll be alright:

I don’t even have kids and I use this lie all the time. No-one has anyway of knowing the out come of anything, not even Walter Mercado. But, at the same time, it might just be alright. If you get your ass in gear or look at the broader picture you’ll see how things may actually pan out. Even if you are terminally ill and dying; it’ll still be alright. It’ll be over in time and everything will work itself out. The getting from Point A to Point B may not be fun, but that’s OK. It will be alright.


3 Responses to “Parents Are Liars”

  1. If humans waited till they had all the answers before procreating non of us would be here. Hell, most pregnancies began as a lie!

  2. I’ve used those lies myself and I’m not even a mother.

  3. I was spared these specific lies, actually. My mom told me I had better study my ass off if I wanted to be anything at all. And she was explicitly not proud of me if I got less than a B in any class, that meant she had to give me extra homework. she LOVED pointing out how much money we didn’t have if I asked for anything ever, and

    The one lie I did get, however, were that bullies could be reasoned with, and if people don’t like you you should point out things you’re good at and make them like you. Both of those things end in beatings. Or wedgies. I still have a bit of anger in me from the horrible advice my mom gave me for dealing with other people as a kid.

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