Archive for Parenting

A Father’s Lullaby To His Unborn Child

Posted in Deep Thoughts, True Stories, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on June 11, 2015 by dissectingthefetalpig
So sleep, little one, sleep. Let your eyes grow heavy as I tell you a tale of woe and redemption. Let me recant to you the tale of my life. Of my often turbulent and troubled youth and how it became a daily pattern of disturbing and often repugnant behavior. My life had become a dark series of twists and turns with the occasional tale of glory. All of these things had an integral part making me who I am today. Listen as I fondly recant how I had met your mother and how her love started to put me on a better path. Let my voice be calm and soft, though it may often quiver, as I tell you the tale of the night that I bolted upright and in a fit of panic as realty came to conquer. Allow me to retrace for you, my child, the exact pivoting moment where I decided to best possible human being that I could be as I realized what terrible and awful human being I had been. I had been a poor excuse at best. Maligned and with a less than pleasant disposition. It was the night I sat up with a fright and and had awoken your mother, who was then not bearing you. I just had a complete flashback of my life and saw myself for who was and what I really had been throughout the years. It was an exquisite pain at first; to see the full picture from an outside view. I suffered a tremendous anxiety attack as I realized that I deserve nothing less than the pains of hell and what a terrible sinner I had been all throughout my life. How I had been exactly like my father and his father before him.  And, how then, at that exact moment, triumphantly decided, that no matter the outcome, I, your father, would break that vicious cycle and would ensure that by the time you came along that you would never know such hardships, such pain or the endless hunger no matter how tough the times may be. That I would be the best role model a father could be.
May my words fill your little heart with courage and confidence. Pray that you drift off into sleep always knowing your fathers love, so that he, too, may sleep soundly in his final years to come.

Parents Are Liars

Posted in Rants, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 12, 2011 by dissectingthefetalpig

Let’s face it and simply admit that our parents lied to us. I know for fact mine did. Hell, they still do. Here are a few common lies that pretty much every parent has dropped on their kids for better or for worse

You can be whatever you want to be when you grow up:

In theory, yes you can be whatever you want if you really try. But that little harmless morale booster doesn’t quite tell you the fine print. Like if you told your quadriplegic kid he could be an athlete some fine day if they really wanted to… That’s not a complete lie. They have the Special Olympics for people who want to challenge their disabilities and overcome personal barriers. It’s a good thing. But what if that kid wants to get more specific and be a swimmer? A quadriplegic can’t swim! Float, sure. But never swim. Let’s even go so far to add the hope of a medical or scientific breakthrough. Even if they found a way to fix your broken kid tomorrow, your child may never ever receive treatment. Shame on you lying parent, shame on you!

Or let’s say your kid wants to grow up and be the next Hitler? Do you really want to encourage that? Seriously folks, shoot your kids straight. Your child sometimes shouldn’t be encouraged to be whatever they want.

I will always be proud of you, no matter what:

That’s just bullshit right there. Wait till your kid is strung out on drugs because they had their dreams crushed and do animal porn. Will you as a parent be proud of your kid then? You should be, it’s your fault. Your the one that lied and said they could be whatever they wanted. It never happened and it sent them on a spiral. Great parenting asshole, keep up the good work!

However, I will say this, there are some lies that parents say everyday that actually work. For example:

We’re not poor, just broke:

I heard this a lot as a child and when I look back I know full and well we were fucking poor. But it left the parties involved with some dignity and it was very encouraging. As an adult when I find myself at a financial rock bottom I know that this will pass. I am not poor, I am just a little skint on money at the moment. I’ll check myself and totally understand why my pop would pull that line on me now. It made me appreciate what I had and taught me the value of a dollar.

It’ll be alright:

I don’t even have kids and I use this lie all the time. No-one has anyway of knowing the out come of anything, not even Walter Mercado. But, at the same time, it might just be alright. If you get your ass in gear or look at the broader picture you’ll see how things may actually pan out. Even if you are terminally ill and dying; it’ll still be alright. It’ll be over in time and everything will work itself out. The getting from Point A to Point B may not be fun, but that’s OK. It will be alright.

%d bloggers like this: